if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i came on her dog
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
