If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
