Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
