worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
