I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
