and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
