It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
