He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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