The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
