i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
