I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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