I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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