he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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