He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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