naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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