I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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