I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
