He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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