i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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