I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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