nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
