# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
