I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
