Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
