...so i touched it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
thus making me awesome and them whores
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
