I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
