What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
