Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
