You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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