dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize