Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
