You're completely useless in the revolution.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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