Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
