it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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