When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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