My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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