Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
