take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
