Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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