i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
