We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
