I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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