Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
