You're so nebulous sometimes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
