I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
