listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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