The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize