I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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