the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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