My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
