based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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