probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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