i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize