it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i think i just lost a toe
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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