i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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