Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
