I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
