I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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