Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
