you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
