when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
